eby corydon

WHO AM I

So after reading Charlotte Gambill’s “Identity” book, I feel like letting out some thoughts I believe are for me to share. Quite frankly I am just simply amazed by the timing and perfect fit of this book in my personal season of learning to discover who I am, and more importantly: Who I am not. Learning to focus, cutting away distractions, getting rid of noise, I am finding joy in being at peace in my own skin. At age 24 I am more aware of why God wired me the way He did, more than ever before really. Things I would detest as an 18-year-old I am not thanking Him for. “I praise you for I am fearfully, and wonderfully made”. And yet I am searching to know Him more, as He says: “Let me show you how and why I made you this way.”

For most of my adolesent years I used change my personality to fit who I was with. When I had a crush on a indie hipster musician, I would listen to unheard of bands, go to ridiculous amounts of random concerts and wore ripped jeans and rockband t-shirts. When I liked a skater boy, I would wear baggy jeans, listen to punk/ska bands and have that chill-stoned-cool look in my eyes no matter what mood I was in. Then I also had some girlfriends who would dress up, wear tons of make-up and wear gold jewelry, and of course I would copy-paste whatever the code of dress and looks were trending with them.
This made me see my self as a scizofrenic 33 % skatergirl, 33% rockchick and 33% pretty girl and as you would know, it never really reached a 100 percent. It almost never adds up when we divide who we are in different places like this. “Identity” talks about discovering the real you, the person you are created to be 100 percent. The one whose core is confident, unique, original, different - a stand out, not a crowd person, a geniune purpose-driven one-of-a-kind individual not a people-pleaser, copy-paster kind of ripp-off.

I laugh at these teen-stages of style and personality confussion now, but nevertheless I have met grownups still searching for their likings, style, taste and personality. And it comes to show in their wardrobe, home decor, choice of acitivity/food, language, personal mannerism, ticks and so on… more importantly in their educational, ministry and work-related life does this lack of confidence and purpose show in many sad ways.
Insecurity is such crusher of any kind of God-given spirit in a person and more tragically it destroys friendships, dating relationships, marriages, families… Questioning who you are, your worth, your part to play in the story being written will always result in brokenness not just in you but also those around you.

I know for my part - I am more convinced that a person’s God-given identity and purpose on this planet is unique. Never before has anyone had your DNA and never again will anyone have your name and fingerprint. We are however creatures of culture, norm and status quo. Whatever the norms and trends are around us we adapt. Still the reflection of who you are inside can come to show through choice and action. And when you waste this ‘swimming against the stream’ you are copy pasting someone else’s life will; always leaving you in an empty state of sadness. Competition will never satisfy you, because the meassure of your success should not be in how much further, more or better your life is then your sisters/friends/rolemodel but ALWAYS to the meassure of your potential and calling in Jesus Christ’s masterplan for this time and this place and more specifically with YOU his masterpiece.

I am learning so much through “Identity” on how what we believe is the Word of God - the Bible - can shape our thinking, offer wisdom for any one who dares to ask/search/read/reflect… The stories of Jacob, Esau, Isac, Rebekah, Ruth, Naomi, Tamara, Moses, Caled, Esther, Laban and Mordecai have SO much to teach us. So much wisdom, so much experience and understanding. I love how Charlotte Gambill reveals these insights and so many more… And reading these Old Testament stories again have changed me, while sparking a new passion for the Word….

During this time of exploring identity and calling I ask so many questions…
I ask God: What does it take to be a confident and strong person in midst of life’s battles, hard circumstances and changing seasons. I ask him: Why am I so drawn to strength and passion. Why is authenticity, vision and purpose so hard to find/produce/fake. Why do most women live in insecurity, weakness, comparison, fear of failing, hiding in shallowness, full of desperation kind of busyness and frantic obsession of having husband, home and babies but when they get what they wanted all along they are miserable, unhappy, dissatisfied, and some times just end up being highly disfunctinal and manipulative in their status and relational life. Is this it? IS there another way?

I am learning; in theory, in intimiate prayer, in the Bible, in this “Identity book”, in reflection and in tough lessons from my real everyday life the answers to these questions.
“We are all responsible of doing our personal/private/individual CREATIVE best with what we have been given”. Some people think that creativity is for a few artist type, crafts kinda, abstract thinking type of people. But creativity is so much more. It is the discipline of bringing stuff that is yet not, into existence. From imagination to reality. From idea to product. From theory to practice. Every aspect of our choices and behaviour is CREATIVE. We create the homes we live in, the inviroment our friends walk into, the languange of Love to our loved ones, the outfit we wear, the math project, the science homework, the financial budgetting, prioritizing……. everything about us is creative. We are created to create. But we just dont know. All we need is the next step. One step, one run, one leg in front of the other…

But the problem is that we are pralyzed by fear, scared by not getting it right, passively we copy paste stuff we see all around us cause it’s easier than figuring out how and what is our individual CREATIVTY process, product and purpose.

We get distracted by other people rather than inspired by their uniqueness to find our own DNA we stop… distracted, we waste instead of create.

“Show me your face, and let me hear your voice. For your face is lovely and your voice is beautiful.” I love these verses… They show me how we are fully accepted, fully loved and fully believed in with our individual beauty and purpose in our face and voice. Our identity is needed, it is wanted and it is good.

One thing I wanna close this blog entry with is this: Let’s not make the mistakes of wasting who we are cause of plain and simple: ignorance. Let’s find out. Let’s dive in. Let’s read, let’s dare, let’s dream, let’s fail and learn from it, let’s choose to look beyond what is manipulation, people-pleaser-acts, current insecurities and explore potential, count the possibilities, find out the plain and simple: it is for SUCH A TIME AS THIS we are born with SUCH A PURPOSE OF THIS and with SUCH A IDENTITY.

(Get the book if you haven’t & let’s all encourage eachother for authenticity and courage)

xoxo
eby